so i am finally done being sick. i have been in my house for a bit. partially recovering from being sick, partially just trying to figure it all out.
i can't say i am any less content...i'm amazed that it is still holding up, even though this has been a hell of a week.
In some ways i feel like today i took a step back. i'm fighting about something that happened to me two years ago and has nothing to do with my current life, but for some reason i can't let it go. i was deeply hurt by a friend of mine and sort of family member which cost me a lot including my business. now this person is partially re-entering my life and it makes me uncomfortable. nothing was clearer than that tonight. really he has little to do with my current life but for some reason all of the old, evil, and crap stuff that went on was surfaced right to the top. It made me mad. it made me angry that my wife would bring this back into our house. as if our situation wasn't tenuous enough, now we have this thrown on top of it. I'm sorry, but the burn i felt over this is not some small thing, or something i can "just let go". This person almost cost me one of my best friendships.
I guess the transition out wasn't all bad. I got the opportunity to work with some great people who are now my close friends and business partners. I got to continue to work with some great friends while at bluee, and i got to meet some great new friends, who i hope will continue to be my friends for years to come.
i also got the opportunity to learn a lot about me. i have grown.
unfortunately i forgot about all of that tonight and just sent myself back two years to that feeling of self destruction. I was just so angry that this was brought into my house.
then i was just angry at me for feeling this way.
I don't know. i just know today will be a different day, and it has nothing but promise to be a better day.
though quite honestly yesterday (since it is now 1:34am) had some serious peeks and a couple of valleys.
babble.
last notes. i'm worried about my friends nootsmaak and Jeffy. I haven't heard much from one, and the other i am just generally worried about. I hope you guys are both okay. I'm thinking about you both.
back to wireframes.
1 comment:
I know I've been quiet, but as Doug said to Carrie on King of Queens, "I'm thinking of youuuuuuuuuuuu." And I am. You and Jeffy are like family, and I'm not good at calling them very often, either.
Just like when you first left Bluee, you couldn't believe how much work you got done, so quickly and efficiently. It's the same here, and because of that, I lose track of time. Only my deadlines remind me of days & dates.
But all that aside, it sucks to have to revisit shitty things you'd hoped to have completely behind you by now. It's almost impossible to just "let it go" - it was a major trauma. Things like that you have to learn to live with, but they never really leave you. But you will figure that out - how to live with it and keep moving forward.
Just stay true to yourself and protect your space as you feel you need to and you should be OK.
On a completely different note, last night I watched an episode of Alton Brown's Good Eats - it was entirely on espresso - all the things one needs to know to make the perfect cup of espresso and I almost called you. I promise I will next time.
(btw, LOVE the tags on this post)
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