BART Station of Broken Dreams

Maybe it is just this week. Who knows. I think i am just done with human contact for one week. see how i bounce from one extreme to the next.

I'm starting realize that i am alone a lot more than i am with people, and this is sometimes not by choice. my friends, a lot of them are flakes...if i don't call, im, email, etc...nothing but fucking crickets.

Can things always be at some sort of imbalance like that. maybe i am asking and expecting too much out of people that have their own deal going on. Probably.

I have a problem with equality. I want to be returned the same amount of attention and care that i try to give. That probably is the heart of the unreal expectation. I don't aways want to be the first to pick up the phone to call, or to send an email, or to make an invitation.

At some later date, i can give my other half's perspective on this with me. i assume that she would say that in our relationship she is the one that is always making the first call, email, invite, evite, etc. She's probably right. This maybe the fundamental flaw in that particular relationship. Sometime i think hu(man)s are like dogs...they learn by example, and when the rules of engagement are set they respond. Maybe my friends are the same way. Their expectation is low, so they return low effort.

Again, all over the map. no answers.

I walk alone.